Beautiful Contradictions

CW: Gender Dysphoria, Fatphobia

 

Sculpted muscular legs
Speckled with cellulite

A powerful voice
Deep enough to hurt me

I wasn’t “born in the wrong body”
My body is my body
I have loved it and hated it
I have hurt it and cared for it

Plump, purpled lips
Framed by a beard

Long lashed eyes and exquisite brows
Set in an extra large head

For 20 years I hated my body
Drowning in a putrid cocktail of dysphoria and fatphobia
Hated every stretch mark and flabby fold
Hated my broad shoulders and outsized hands

Thick, muscled arms
Ending in painted nails

The swell of my breasts
Above a barrel belly

I was taught that looking this way was wrong
That to be fat was to sin
That femme with a phallus couldn’t be
I can’t simply forget that, but I can fight it

Long, delicate curls tumbling to the left
Away from a brutally shaved skull

An elegant black choker
Around an 18″ neck

When did my perception shift?
When builders bum was rebranded as luscious ass?
When shameful moobs became tits for other enbies to envy?
A tangled web unravelling as fat and femme change from attacks to facts

Beaten up old jeans
And an elegantly feminine top

Sturdy boots
Painted with flowers

My body is a mess of beautiful contradictions
Of things to celebrate and things that irritate
I don’t know if I’ll ever love my body
But I have learned to live with it

Published by QuenbyWrites

I write about whatever captures my attention, focussing on my personal experiences. I'm mostly interested in gender, sexuality, and mental health. My experiences are shaped by being pansexual, polyamorous, non-binary, depressed, an intersectional feminist, and active in the BDSM community.

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